You may have noticed that I write a lot about travel. My photo galleries involve far off destinations that I’ve discovered and fallen in love with over the years.
You may have also noticed that I am not married.
Perhaps you are like I am and you can’t help but fall in love with a place far more than you have ever loved a potential partner. I’ve asked myself (a lot recently) if this is my problem. I can’t commit to a person because when I travel I wear my heart on my sleeve and would rather give it to a destination. A new adventure. A new climate. A new culture. This is a fatal flaw known as romanticizing and I am an expert in this art.
I have done this in the past; given my heart to a specific place and abandoned what could have been an epic relationship. Does this mean that I have chosen travel as a husband instead of a real life human partner?
So then what can realistically be done for gypsies like me? One idea is to come to terms and (with fierce abandon) embrace the wild spirit that lives in so many of us. To succumb to the notion that we will always be single if we chose to follow the call of our hearts and live a life of adventure. But is there a way to have it all? Is there a way to embrace this yearning to run and explore while maintaining a healthy marriage back “home” whatever home means to us? Can we blend both lives?
The flexible work schedule is a no-brainer on the Westside and working remotely is as common as fair trade coffee. We can look for that almost perfect partner who is as wild as we are and have a house (home?) in a place where it is possible to make enough of a living to allow us to run off at every opportunity. We’ll have to agree to home school our kids, who are all named after the location where they were conceived. It’s the marriage of the bohemian with the corporate, the wild with the traditional and it HAS TO WORK!
I have sacrificed enough time on the 405 freeway and in a brownish grey uninspired office with yellow flecked industrial carpet and eggshell walls to know that we were created for so much more. (Remember when I mentioned hating fluorescent lighting?) How easy for our internal fire to die a slow suffocating death because of the restraints of paid holiday and terrible business owners who disavow vacations due to their own insecurities of missing out on making the next dollar. For me, the chase of a sunset beats the chase of a dollar. Every time.
So this brings me back to the choice of travel vs. staying grounded and setting down roots. It is a scary thing, commitment. Whether we are committing to a person or a location, the idea that we MUST stay put is a hard pill for many to swallow. The bear grass may always seem greener (actually whiter in the bear grass case) in a new area code, but it’s the roots we establish that eventually give us strength and meaning and purpose. The catch is, for some of us, choosing travel as a life partner may ultimately prove to be more loyal and satisfying.
At this point, the only marriage I can comprehend is the marriage to self. So until I can be honestly open to more, you’ll find me running through the canyons or skiing through the glades. You’ll find me in nature, my first and truest love. You’ll find my wanderlust ruining my romantic relationships. At least for now…
WM
I recently lost my partner, my love, and best friend of 15 years to her wonderlust spirit. She has expanded my perspective and taught me to value travel, nature, and adventure. Unfortunately, I’m the more grounded type with different goals and romantic relationship values which, as you mentioned, slowly made her feel suffocated and confined. We still love each other but she needed a freedom that I, and perhaps no person, can provide. This morning I woke up wanting to learn about living and being in a relationship with someone who is truly seeking a wanderlust, gypsy lifestyle type lifestyle. The concept of this kinda lifestyle was and still is a bit foreign to me. But your blog post truly helped me conceptualize one’s wanderlust spirit. Although it pains me to lose someone that I truly loved and imagined a lifetime with…you have brought great clarity and comfort to me knowing that there are free spirited people with a good heart that just fall in love with nature, adventure, exploration and discovery, which contribute to one’s journey in a meaningful ways. Thank you for sharing!